Useful
by LittleHummingbirds
Summary: She may not save the world with flashy moves and cool speeches. But she saves countless of people in endless white rooms.
1. Chapter 1

**Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. **

* * *

.

.

She does it for Sasuke.

She does it for the rest of Team 7.

She does it to find something she might be good at, something that'll give her a chance to be useful, to be the one standing next to them.

But as she's four hours into the morning, words and meanings blurring together in a terrible headache, she thinks: _Why the hell am i doing this for?_. Purpose, goals, ninja ways... are they worth it? Is it worth it being yelled at by the Hokage, the medics, the nurses, her own parents –_you're not taking care of yourself!-_

An hour later, a short nap and she finds that she _knows_ what she studied yesterday. She knows all the layers of the epidermis, she knows which microorganisms live there and which would cause what sickness. She knows it. It wasn't all for nothing.

Even later on she passes her test.

And weeks into her training she finally heals that goddamn fish.

She thinks that if she manages to hang on for a little longer she might be apt at this.

.

.

She's only fourteen and half and she's shadowing a pediatrician. She doesn't like kids, does not like that they keep whining and their mothers are willing to blame everyone but themselves for the child's hurt. Seriously, if your daughter broke her leg in three parts because she fell from a tree while you where giggling with your equally clueless friend, then maybe the reason is closer than you think.

The 3 year old, Nanako-chan, is trying to be brave. The doctor whispers empty supposedly soothing words –_Be still, honey, it'll be over soon and you can have a lollipop to eat later_.-. It does not stop the flinching or the little cries of pain. Sakura thinks it's barbaric that they don't further numb the pain receptors in the damaged area but –_they are civilians Sakura, we should save chakra for shinobis that come injured from duty.-_

Isn't that ironic? Pathetic? That the "duty" they return from is the one designed to protect civilians.

A while later the mother and the doctor leave the room to discuss ways of payment.

Sakura sighs.

Then she notices that Nanako is quiet, too quiet. She glances her way and discovers the child's gaze fixed in a little purple ugly scar.

Sakura sighs again.

-Here.- She reaches slowly to the slightly scared and still upset child.- Let me heal it and leave it pretty for you.-

-O-okay.-

She works in silence for a few seconds. It's the first time she's done healing without a superior watching her, but for once she's confident in what she's doing. After all, she can't mess a scar more than it already is. She mentally snorts, _you can only go better from here_.

-You know, Nanako-chan, someday when you're older, you will be glad to have scars. They might not be nice to look at, but they will the ones that'll remind you of how far you've come.-

She finishes quietly, unblemished skin under her fingers. Looking up finds her little last minute patient with confused but _grateful _eyes. The smile she recieves almost blinds her.

-Thank you, medic-chan!- The girl beams.

Sakura reminds stunned.

She thinks about the hours she suffered to learn all the damned layers of the skin. And she starts to think it was worth it, it _payed_ her with a smile from a little three year old that might one day get an even uglier scar in the same place.

Her lips curve almost hesitantly in response.

It's strange that with a sunny smile her heart starts to beat almost painfully, it starts to warm her in places she didn't know could help to heal her broken heart. She might keep this memory next to the happier ones with her broken team.

Maybe, this can only go better from here too.

.

.

It does not get better for a while, in fact, it almost ends all together.

-I can't believe you did this. The desobedience that you show will see you out of this door sooner than you can keep breaking any more rules. Konoha can't afford your little rebelious acts, _I_ can't stand for it.-

Her rose bangs are covering her wattering eyes. Eyes that also show defiance. She thinks this is something Naruto would do, something that might genuinely make him proud and not just because he thinks he likes her.

-You're suspended.-

But she wouldn't change her recent actions even if this year and a half of effort is wasted.

Because when Nanako-chan came two months later with bruises and internal bleeding from the same tree, with the same indifferent mother, she couldn't stop crying. Not even the false promise of a lollipop kept her tears from streaming down her little hopeless face.

The pediatrician refused to heal her.

Because her mother refused to pay.

And Sakura refused to let all this become words and empty meanings blurring together. She refused to view people like numbers, she refused to not use chakra – her best healing weapon- to treat her patient just because of where she or he didn't have enough to pay. There had been a goddam war just two years ago here in Konoha. There had been houses crushed to the ground by the sand, by the sound, by their own shinobi protecting these very people.

She learned more in that time from healing these people that couldn't get it done from a profesional that she learned in all her time shadowing. She learned more backbone that she could've ever learned from any anatomy text book. She learned a lot of injustice and hypocrisy.

She just hoped Tsunade could finally get the public hospital politic approved and retake her under her wing.

Sakura might be growing little roots, but she might soon need a bigger tree beside her to keep the wind from knocking her down. The wind was getting wilder, she could see it in every corner of this place.

She could see it in the dead eyes of the doctors saying "no" too often. In the way patients leaved with a death sentence on their shoulders, people that could otherwise be happy.

She could see it in the way it was all making her hopeless, powerless. Less useful.

.

.

* * *

**Author's note:** This is something I've had stuck in my head for a while. Might keep working on this. Might just leave it here.

.


	2. Chapter 2

**Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto.**

* * *

.

.

She spends a week sulking.

She refuses to feel bad about her actions, refuses to second guess her decisions. After all, for the first time she's proud about something bigger than her outfit choice or her nail polishing skills.

Maybe if she keeps going she'll be finally happy about what she sees in others people's eyes reflection, maybe they'll start to feel proud too. Somewhere close to a shore shines a tall bridge with Naruto's name on it, somewhere along the forests rogue ninja discuss in hushed tones about a famous copyninja, and in a distant village people whisper to children tucked into bed about a red eye that can beat all the bad in the world.

She wishes they talked about a pink haired beauty with a healing touch and an awesome team behind her back.

But her feet need to stay rooted, so she brings her head down from the clouds and keeps sulking.

Days keep piling up and she also refuses to keep studying, she's so mad at the current system she can barely keep reading about hypocrites words. She's as disappointed as she was back when she discovered that, after spending so much time memorizing shinobi's rules, it all fades to nothing, it's all about pretty words and no real world backup.

What about patient's health above all? What about not de-humanizing? What about not seeing numbers and bodies but people and soul? Knowing the person's background to know what influence it has on their health? What about medic-patient relationship?

Rubbish.

.

.

She's summoned to the Hokage's office a day later.

She starts fidgeting in place when her mentors gaze doesn't shift from the paper filled desk in front of her. She starts to apologize out of habit when she realizes that she's _NOT_ sorry.

"Hokage-sama I-"

"It's okay kid. Tomorrow the hospital will start to receive larger funds from the Damiyo so you won't have to put up with this bullshite anymore." Her honey eyes locks with Sakura's own widened set. "I'm proud of you, I knew there was a reason I said yes".

Sakura can barely believe her ears.

"We'll resume next Friday with your training, and I'm talking about Actual training, so be ready to be thrown across the field. I'm sorry I've been so busy and neglected you but now that this… aberration is over, I can start looking after you again".

Now she wants to cry.

"- and go back to the hospital in a week from now".

Kakashi-sensei was cool, but Tsunade Senjuu was in another league.

.

.

She goes back to her house and grabs a thick tome about how to cure burns and deeper wounds by cutting objects. It is still basic knowledge but she needs to really start from the base, needs to keep growing.

Going to the park in the neighborhood brings back nostalgic memories about a sunny blonde with smiles that came with friendship promises. She misses Ino, hasn't seen her since a good couple of months. Tomorrow she could go to the Yamanaka's flower shop and spend these "free" days catching up. She _had,_ after her last bad breakup, decided to cherish more their bond.

She sighs as she plops herself on a swing, head cradled in one hand while the other changes the pages.

She submerges in the technique required to close tissue up to the muscle. Theory hasn't been a problem, getting her hands in and doing what her head told her to do was another thing. Memorizing might be a pain, but putting her thoughts into action was a much bigger obstacle. She lifted her hand and willed the chakra there, smiling lightly when the color changed to pale green.

Happy, fulfilled and confident were the emotions that being able to heal kept bringing to her.

She had healed her mother yesterday when she had cut herself with the kitchen knife cooking for her family. It had been a shallow cut, but she had left no scar. Her mother had smiled proudly at her and beamed for an hour straight.

Sakura frowned. A band aid could probably do the same job as well. Maybe she'd be proud too when she could heal deeper wounds.

Or maybe when she could save a life.

"Ouch". Someone yells not far from where she's still reading hours later.

Sakura lift her head up and moves it from one side till the other until she spots a little crowd of children.

"It hurts" The voice starts to sound watery.

"I'm sorry Minnie-chan, I tought I could catch you" A tiny redhead sounds so apologetic that even though Sakura does not –_she does not_\- like children, feels sorry too.

"What happened here?" She asks approaching the little ones.

A taller kid answers, clearing the path now that an adult is coming to help. "Minnie-chan climbed a tree and was scared to come down. We told her to jump and that we would catch her" His voice thickens a little with guilt. "But we couldn't and now she's bleeding".

Oh well, she knew that people often promised to catch you and let you fall into your own false expectations. But these were innocent, taintless souls. And even tough Sakura knew this, she could not keep the morbid thought from crossing her mind. Sometimes if you looked past the everydayness, common situations could be twisted representations of harder and more meaningful lessons taught by life itself. You just had to be able to discern.

She closed her book and settled it against the ground, crouching down across a crying purple haired girl. Her hands reached her tinier ones and gently removed them from a bruised and bleeding knee.

"It's okay, I'm a- "She just couldn't say a trainee, she had to calm the little girl and offer some firmer authority figure. Patients needed to feel safe, needed to know that the one treating them knew what they were doing. Never mind this was hardly the riskier situations her books told her about. "- doctor, this knee will be healed and as good a new in a minute, don't be afraid, I'll take care of this".

But to Sakura's horror, Minnie started to cry harder.

"It's okay Minnie-chan" The tiny red head from earlier said. She grasped her friend's hands in her own and started to whisper reassurance words, combing her other hand through the now calming girl's hair. "Everything will be fine, mommy said that doctors make our booboos go away".

Sakura recovered herself quickly and placed a chakra filled hand to the girl wound, concentrating into stopping the bleeding and reforming the tissue.

"It's okay Minnie-chan. The pain is gone, now watch this". She said in her warmest voice, changing tactic and going for familiarity. "It's gone, it's all gone".

Maybe she could still learn some not book-related lessons from experience.

She always thought teachers were older, wiser. Maybe it wasn't true. Maybe some were and some… (she remembered the pediatrician), some just needed to learn still no matter the age.

Sakura hoped she could learn enough to be a good doctor someday.

.

.

* * *

**Author's note:** Thank you so much for your reviews and fav/foll. I'm sorry for my english, it's not my first language, so feel free to pint out errors.

I guess I'll keep writting if it keeps bothering my brain.


End file.
